It feels like the many stages of grieving. The sadness, the hatred, the anger. I hope what comes next is I get my strength back. In the meantime, I’m so angry I have to get this off my chest, out of my mind, and out of my heart. It’s time to engage in some good old fashion venting!
“I syndrome” here I come!
Every time I think about the turn of events that turned my life upside down I experience such a whirlwind of emotions I can barely hold on. I feel completely blind sided. I’ve been told to do what I have to do to take care of myself. I was told I was too trusting. I was warned.
I find myself wanting to give every opportunity to do right by me and with each passing day I learn another thing that proves everyone else right. I feel betrayed.
I really hate being wrong and I really hate being lied to. I may be a lot of things but I was most certainly brought up to have loyalty and integrity. My word is my bond. Why isn’t everyone’s? How can people be so cavalier? How is that ok?
I don’t like how this feels. I’m hurt. I’m confused. I don’t like that now I’m questioning my own judgement. I don’t like that I’m wondering who I can trust. I don’t like that I am now questioning my own faith in humanity.
I am so frustrated and I’m really starting to get sick of how this is making me feel. And now I can’t help but wonder what the hell I am going to do about it.
Cut to: The next day…
Whoa! I love the way the Universe works in our lives. It really is spectacular. I had to come back to this entry because since I posted it a lot has happened! Proof that you can’t bottle your emotions or stifle your feelings. You will make yourself sick and no good comes out of that.
DO IT. Cry, pout, scream into a pillow whatever it takes to give yourself peace. Talk about releasing and opening up your space for new things to come in! It’s from this release that you can get into a place of gratitude and receiving. And it’s here that you will realize everything really does happen for a reason. This set me – on a course of action.
While they were baby steps they were still significant in the scheme of things. I started by accepting my new circumstance and then started thinking of all the good that could come out of it. Then I set out to send emails to dozens of friends and colleagues letting them know it would be great to see them and/or work with them again. Before long my phone rang with a dear old colleague and someone I call friend on the other line. Now mind you this has never happened to me before but something I have thought about often. Usually when you set out with intentions someone comes to you that you hadn’t thought of. This was such an experience of giving and receiving and mutual respect that I literally hung up to get ready for bed with the biggest smile on my face. You see, I have been wanting to build a new foundation, a strong community of like minded women and just like that it was happening. I could feel the shift as I went to sleep. And when I woke up this morning, it was to a slew of emails where she had invited me to some private FB women groups that are filled with colleagues and peers from my industry!
I was so inspired I got really proactive with a passion project I have been working on for over 5 years! I know now, it’s time and I’m so excited. It will be more baby steps but already in just one day I received incredible news that could impact my project in a miraculous way. It’s so TRUE that when you set your mind to truthful and humble intentions – magic happens! You have to believe. Never give up. Stay the course. If you falter, that’s ok. Get back up. Always get up. And every time you do you’ll be that much stronger!
If you know your “what” the universe will take care of the “how”. Keep on keeping on!
And if you’re experiencing any of the signs of grieving for whatever reason I must suggest this amazing entry on Celestine Vision . com … Always stay true to your values and never forget how strong you are!!!
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