Having been away from the page for so long has not been without its benefits. There has been so much going on, coming up for air seemed very far away. But you have to remember to breath. And my breath are my words.

I don’t know about you, but I’m not one to make new years resolutions. I just try to do my best with every day I have knowing our days are numbered and our lives are valuable.

I just came from a year of many ups and downs. In many ways, I experienced my hardest downs but also my greatest ups and it taught me that in order for me to find my balance I would have to let go and set myself free. The meditations have taught me well. And the silent acts of forgiveness have taught me a lot about people and myself.

The past can have a stronger hold than most people will ever realize. They are so set in their patterns their lies become their truths. They are so busy focussing on what people don’t do they never get to enjoy or appreciate what has been done. It will never be enough. They will always need more.

In all the soul searching I have done and I’ve done a lot, I’ve learned a very daunting truth.  What we grow up with becomes our reality and when it’s all we know we tend to recreate those circumstances. 

I pride myself on being accountable and being able to apologize when I’m wrong. I’ve spent most of my adult years trying to clean up my karmic street.  For those of you on a similar journey you know how this can go.

My family is long gone now and I’ve made my peace with it and with that peace I’ve learned so much.  I’ve learned that it’s very easy to get wrapped up in our own lives.  We can be blinded by our self absorbed self imposed perceptions of what someones else’s life might be.  We cast our opinions and they become a truth that never really exists.  If we’re so busy blaming others for not doing or being what we want them to be, you’ll miss all the signs that maybe it was them that needed you. We don’t get to choose when adversity or heartbreak will hit and there is a likeliness that it can hit all at once.

But in the end when you’re left to stand alone it will be the time in your life when you grow the most. The best outcome emerges when you are forced to go within and give into your higher power which will lead to self empowerment.  No one can let you down if you don’t allow them to hold you up.   

I had to let go of someone I considered a really great friend recently. We grew up and grew apart.  Our vibrational levels just couldn’t reach each other anymore. The interesting part of the departure for me was reading the words on the pages and being reminded of every other similar email exchange we’ve had.  Some people will tell you until they are blue in the face they are a certain person, acting a certain way and they won’t ever see that it’s not actually how it went.  Actions speak louder than words are lost on some people and deniability can be their best friend.  When you only see someone once or twice a year over a six year period, I can assure you, you’ve stopped knowing each other. Some people engage in name calling and insults. I personally never find them necessary or coherent.  My mother always said “Don’t listen to insults. When people say hurtful things about someone, they might as well be looking in the mirror”. 

My mother also always said, “Be weary of the one who tells you other people’s business or secrets. Don’t ever flatter yourself into think they aren’t doing it to you too” (we may have had our differences but she was a very smart woman).

After checking in with myself, I realized, I am not sad for the loss, I’m relieved. Perception can be our greatest ally or biggest defeat.  Stay away from transference. It’s not supposed to be a fight and it’s not supposed to be hard.

Letting go isn’t falling. It’s freedom. It’s not needing to hold onto what we know. It’s rising above the past and setting new standards. It’s serving the higher good. It’s surrounding yourself with the people who know you now, who reside on your same vibrational level. People who know you today. Be a new person in this new day for all eternity. There’s not enough room for everyone on any given street so thank God there are so many other neighborhoods out there.

The path to freedom starts where the road ends…