Can We Be Master of Our Emotions?
Emotional responses are like the many roots of a majestic tree. Each limb represents a different sentiment, reaction or feeling. They are the roots of our disposition, our personalities and a gage of our true self-awareness. Our instincts can fail us, our passions can weaken us and our reactions can leave us questioning our own moral compass. Our belief systems may need reframing in order to get ourselves out of the vicious cycle of someone else’s model of the world. The transference’s get triggered from childhood and we don’t even remember what started it all. What if it didn’t have to be like this? That we can change and it doesn’t matter where we come from, what we do or what was done to us. What if we could become master of our emotions?
Self-Awareness
The odds were against me from the beginning. I was born to a mother that didn’t want another child, so I made my first statistic list before my first birthday. That was to be the start of a series of very wretched circumstances that would follow me through most of my life. But sometimes the circumstances you were born into are exactly what are needed to be sure you end up on your right path to self-regulation.
I turned seventeen years old at 8:25am on the day I entered Barnes N Noble during my lunch break and had my first encounter with a self-improvement book. It literally fell at my feet as if someone had pushed it off the shelf from the other side. It was Napoleon Hill’s “Think and Grow Rich.” I don’t even remember if I read the whole book but I do know it set me on the path to discover a lot more books and a lot more about people and myself. There weren’t any role models for me growing up. My sister and I were strangers and our mother was emotionally unavailable. The more I learned, the more I realized I had the emotional intelligence of a child. This was not ok with me. It was time to get motivated and to get my emotions to work with me instead of against me. Left to my own devices I devoured the words I read and set out to do the books. The authors were my mentors. My life became a series of what I like to call experiments and explorations into the power of the mind and the ability to change.
Emotional Intelligence as a concept is relatively new. It wasn’t until 1995, when psychologist and science journalist Daniel Goleman published his book, “Emotional Intelligence” about the benefits of understanding and managing emotions that it began to weave it’s way out in to the world on a global scale. One of many things the researchers and authors seem to have in common is; the way to Emotional Intelligence starts with our thoughts, patterns and habits. We need to reprogram our minds if we want to be an EQ leader and motivator.
Reframing Our Beliefs & The Importance of Repetition
To change our patterns we must first change our habits. We must rewrite the story we have been telling ourselves (or have been told, even if it’s been our whole lives) and reframe our belief system. We must give our life meaning and discover what matters most to us. To increase our emotional intelligence we must have an open mind. We need to know it will be a commitment and it will require our unequivocal belief, determination and follow through. We spent our whole life with the patterns, so to change them will take a whole lot of repetition.
One of the first that I know of to master this sort of life awakening was Benjamin Franklin in his quest to attain moral perfection. (Franklin 76-77) He conceived of his thirteen virtues of success and he lived with each one for as many days as was needed until he felt he mastered the virtue before moving on to the next one. He created a weekly table in his little book so he could register his progress. (Franklin 79) I believe he has also been deemed “the father of the success recorder.”
Centuries later bestselling author Og Mandino published the book, “The Great Secret in the World” to accompany his wonderful story “The Greatest Salesman in the World”, about a shepherd boy who comes across ten ancient scrolls of success. “The Greatest Secret in the World”,is an actual success recorder where you track your progress not unlike what Mr. Franklin did.
Mastering Emotions
There are many facets to emotional intelligence. Some people aren’t up for the challenge. But think about it, do you really enjoy being moody, reactionary and argumentative? We have all experienced the proverbial emotional roller coaster. We can’t go through life and not experience fluctuations in our emotional levels at one time or another. (Mandino, 80) But we can take responsibility for ourselves and do the work to become master of our emotions. The scrolls are tools to help you get intelligent, emotionally, spiritually and in business and in life. If you commit to doing the scrolls you spend thirty days with each one and you read it three times a day: Once in the morning when you wake up, once with your mid-day meal and then at night before you go to sleep (and at this time you read the words aloud). You should start with the first scroll and do them all. Knowing that when you get to the scroll marked VI, you’re in for quite a treat because this is the scroll that focuses on being master of our emotions.
“And how will I master my emotions so that every day is a happy day, and a productive one? I will learn this secret of the ages: Weak is he who permits his thoughts to controlhis actions; strong is he who forces his actions to control his thoughts…If I feel depressed I will sing. If I feel sad I will laugh… If I feel insignificant I will remember my goals. Today I will be master of my emotions…” (Mandino 83-84)
Once we have established our foundation (our new roots) of emotional stability, we will be better equipped to face the modern stimuli of a tele-conditioned society. The best place to start is always with us. In understanding our own feelings and model of the world and how they affect our behavior, we will be better equipped to deal with other peoples. The more we honor and respect our own values the more we will practice living from a place of our virtues. This will help us manage our emotional capabilities and expectations. Take the time to keep a journal. Compare you’re current day actions with possible patterns from the past. What does that look like? How does it make you feel? Taking an honest account of the memory will help you gain back your power and not respond to triggers whether intentional or unintentional.
There are many small steps you can take now and every day to start practicing emotional intelligence. Take a deep breath before responding. Never speak out in anger. Listen more then you speak. Hold yourself accountable. Be patient. Have empathy. Acquire new habits.
The most important step toward emotional intelligence and mastering our emotions is to replace the habits no longer serving us with their positive counterparts. Spend every day practicing and honing and experimenting with new ways to perceive the world, yourself and everything in it. We are in control of our thoughts, our mind and our lives. Mastering our emotions and gaining emotional intelligence is within our grasps.
It starts with a choice and only we can make it.
References
Covey, Sean. (2018). The 7 Habits of Highly Effective College Students: Succeeding in College… and in Life. Franklin Covey Education, 08/2014. VitalBook file.
Bariso, Justin. (2018) EQ Applied. Bright Wing Books [EBook]
Franklin, Benjamin. (1706-1709). Autobiography and Other Writings. Houghton Mifflin Company. (1958). Boston, MA.
Goleman, Daniel. (1995). Emotional Intelligence. Bantam Books, a Division of Randam House, New York, NY.
Mandino, Og. (1968). The Greatest Salesman in the World. Bantam Books, a Division of Random House. New York, NY.
Mandino, Og. (1978). The Greatest Secret in the World.Bantam Books, a Division of Random House. New York, NY.